thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
