just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize