just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
