garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
