i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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