I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
