Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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