at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
