You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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