So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
