like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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