Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize