I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
