Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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