just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
