You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
