I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
