I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
