I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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