Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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