come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
