i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
