god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
