im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
