I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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