Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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