She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
