just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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