Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
