walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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