just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
