my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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