Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
