Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
