no, he came in my armpit
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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