i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
