so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
