I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
