i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize