she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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