FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
