My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
