Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
