The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
