I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
