you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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