a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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