I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
