thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
