A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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